taiga panorama

i see the light at the end of the tunnel,
the tape at the finish line.
don't hold me back, push me on
to the grail of freedom


97 days left, it's been a long time coming =D

moving on

life goes on.

such is the matter of heartbreaks and crushes.

Thoroughly Confused.

i can't forget her.

haunting, ghostly, despairing.
hallelujah plays in my head.

i can't forget her.

anger, bitterness, jealousy,
i struggle for a grip.

i can't forget her.

sweetness, warmth, joy,
i surrender to my dreams.

i won't forget her.

i love you Ruth.

a great weekend.

i always wondered what it was about birthdays and growing old that people hated.
i think i understand it a bit better now.

it's cos we cling to our past, albeit consciously or unconsciously,
and as i close onto my 20th birthday,
i must say i feeling a bit of that disdain for growing old.

come saturday, i will have crossed the threshold that is teenhood.
as people remind me, i will no longer have a '1' as the first digit of my age.
oh the woe. haha.

oh wells.

anyway, to gripe somemore, it would seem that God doesnt plan for me to be playing rugby anytime soon. according to the MO, i have what he suspects to be a torn posterior horn, or in lay terms a meniscus tear, and as such will require a specialist review. and from what i can gather from the net, meniscus tears usually require surgery to patch up, if not it's just physio to strengthen muscles to ease the load. haiz, as unfair as i feel this is, i have grown tired of complaining, of feeling emo bout my injuries and inability to play rugby. now, all i can think of is to get this darn problem solved, so that i can rehabilitate and then play some rugby again. that seems to be a major goal in my life; to play rugby that is. and i'm sure its a sticking point to my parents and my friends like ruth, who don't fully understand why i still insist on playing. on the other hand the guys like mark understand it completely, which is why they dont try stopping me, but at the same time they worry, cos like mark says, i'm liable to get myself killed playing rugby. argh. this is just frustrating.

gosh i just realised i typed that chunk without any spacing. haha.
oh wells.

pascalene thinks i should forget bout ruth and move on.
i think its difficult, she is/was so different.
impossible to forget.
i love her still.

sigh...

it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.


hallelujah...

 fuck.
i'll give you my arm, give you my leg,
give you my heart.

but don't take away my rugby.
all my life i've never really succeeded in anything.
never been good at much.

couldnt play the piano,
couldnt play football,
couldnt do a thousand and one things

rugby is my life, the only thing i've been anything near good at.
something that i could be totally happy doing.

so forgive me for asking,
forgive this useless piece of trash for opening his mouth,
forgive this crap for daring to question
but i just want my rugby back, is it too much to ask God?

Sang at the funeral of Fr. O'Neil today.
It's sad to see him go, and he will definitely be missed.
I'll always remember him for THOSE homilies.
Who can forget the green lizards and cow droppings,
or the way lazarus had to hop up the steps of the tomb.

What a man, to give 28 years of service to the people.
We feel safe in the knowledge that he's now in the arms of God.

Rest In Peace Fr O'Neil

another scar to add to the collection.



oh wells. :/

How beautiful the radiant bride
Who waits for her groom
With his light in her eyes

Hannah's wedding was awesome.
we might have screwed up a little here and there
on a song or two
but the whole wedding was so awesome.

so CONGRATS HANNAH! 

now time to get Joe married. :p

How beautiful the tender eyes
That chose to forgive
And never despise

How beautiful...

depression comes and goes like the passing rain,
emo-ness unkind to the fragile frame.

fuck it, i'll just come out and say it.
i hate the way my life is now, not the total package,
but quite a number of parts of it.

just fuck it all.

 you know, as clichéd a thing to say as it is,
seeing her smile makes everything alright.

i don't know when, but i've gone from watching her smile,
to cherishing it.

it's so impossible, loving her that is.
so impossible that i do more than anything.

loving her who is so different,
so opposite. so gorgeous.

just that smile, just you.
it's all that i could ever want.

and i would fight the world just to see you smile,
seriously.


 

The memories fade
Like looking through a fogged mirror
Decision to decisions are made
And not bought,
But I thought this wouldn’t hurt a lot.
I guess not

another week, another step closer to the end.
don't worry it'll be here soon.

Kids by MGMT is a kinda nice song, the piano covers are better, without all the electronic beats. 21 Guns by Green Day is another one. Emo songs are the best.

I wonder why, but I can't seem to stop thinking bout you.
And I'd would fight the world to see you smile.
Damn.

 i know it's not much but it's the best i can do,
my gift is my song and, this one's for you i love you.

damn i'm a real mess of lovesick clichés now.

to piece together a broken heart,
.
.
.
requires more than just UHU glue. =D

i really didn't mean to fall in love with you ruth.
don't hate me for it. =(

“Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these.” - Susan B. Anthony


so true.
and also, i would say the same bout loving you.

loving you is killing me, with every look i sneak.
watching you brings such longing,
even as you sit next to me.

day by day, look by look,
piece by piece i fall apart.
such despair longing brings.

always not far from my mind,
my wandering thoughts turn to you,
in the midst of my noontime dreams.

this is my love poem to you.
a love letter written but not given.
i'll keep this safe, close to my heart.

i love the way your eyes are windows to your soul,
the way your face expresses exactly what you feel.

i love the special smile you reserve for when you're truly happy,
and the way you get all flustered and absorbed during your rants.

i love how you cared about me,
and all the nights up talking about all sorts of things.

i love that nice girl that you are,
despite your sister thinking me crazy for that.

i love the beautiful lady,
that you insist i must be cockeyed to see.

i love you ruth toh kai ling,
but you can never know.

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I’ve just got to know
 
the worst thing bout falling in love,
is knowing that she doesnt love you the same.
why me?

Do you ever think when you’re all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Hmm today in an inspired moment i suggested to Joe we should do a musical. and he was very receptive to the idea. and it seems that Fr Keane has actually several christmas plays already written.  interesting. i'm actually finding myself quite enthused about it. but i must sit down and think it through.

hmm interesting....

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I'm meant to be
Melting in your hand


Scars make us stronger for life

sometimes you just wanna show the world how strong you can be.
to prove that you aren't a no good, two bit quitter.
there exists a need to prove them wrong.
a thirst for being better than what they perceive.

just giving up is the easiest thing in life.
but why do so?
especially when living is all the more exciting.
the risk, the challenges.

i feel a tingle in my toes, the excitement of the hunt.
damn, i seek for challenges.

rtkl :)